Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
