I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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