alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
