I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
