don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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