my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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