i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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