fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
farters have to be the big spoon...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
