you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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