I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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