yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
