I cannot find my penis.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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