I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
