I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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