First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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