i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
