dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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