Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
