a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
