One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
