I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
this will be a night to untag.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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