he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
