I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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