Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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