I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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