FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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