you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
