My nipple is on Facebook.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
