she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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