so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he shaved USA in his pubs
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
