Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I need a beard to bite.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
