Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
