Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
