just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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