two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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