White coat. Heels.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
