There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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