i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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