I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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