I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
