How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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