I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
