i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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