Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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