I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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