She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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