WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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