im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
