He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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