i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
