I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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