Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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