we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
